Assertiveness

Assertiveness is one of the most important skills you can learn today. It can be used in almost any situation at work as well as in your home and social life. Assertiveness changes the way you communicate, changes the way you deal with conflict, and changes your own relationship with yourself. It is the gateway to confidence, respect, and self-esteem. As you will learn in this book, assertiveness is something you are born with and naturally good at. Only the intervention of others with your best interests at heart rob you of assertiveness and teach you unsatisfactory substitutes, such as submission and aggression. But assertiveness is always waiting for you to re-discover its magic. If you are someone who feels they have lost their way in their relations with others, this book will show you how to claim back your birthright.

1. What Is Assertiveness?
   1. Dictionary Definitions
   2. Origins
   3. The Assertive Journey
   4. Your Self-Esteem
   5. The Confidence Lane
   6. The Three Modes
   7. What Assertiveness is Not
   8. Outcomes
   9. Benefits
   10. Key Points
2. The Origins of Assertiveness
   1. The Assertive Child
   2. The Protective Parent
   3. Our Early Years’ Programming
   4. To Stay the Same or Change?
   5. Key Points
3. Facets of Assertiveness
   1. Winning and Losing
   2. Assertive Rights
   3. Acting Assertively
   4. Speaking Assertively
   5. Problem-Solving
   6. Being Nice
   7. Natural Assertion
   8. Key Points
4. Applications of Assertiveness
   1. Responding to Compliments
   2. Responding to Criticism
   3. Saying “No” to Others
   4. Overcoming Shyness
   5. Admitting You’re Wrong
   6. Raising Your Self-Esteem
   7. Expressing Your Feelings
   8. Key Points
5. Assertive Communication
   1. Own Your Communication
   2. Describe, Don’t Judge
   3. Be Specific, not Generalized
   4. Three Words to Eliminate from Your Communication
   5. Making Requests
   6. Asking for Time
   7. Fogging
   8. Broken Record
   9. Constructive Feedback
   10. Key Points
6. Managing Assertively
   1. Co-operation not Confrontation
   2. Diversity not Sameness
   3. Fairness not Favouritism
   4. Power to Do, not Power to Impress
   5. Openness not Secrecy
   6. Leaders not just Managers
   7. Integrity not Dictatorship
   8. Outdated Models
   9. New Models
   10. Key Points
7. Managing Conflict
   1. Avoidance
   2. Direct Aggression
   3. Accommodation
   4. Assertiveness
   5. Key Points
8. Social Confidence
   1. Conversational Openers
   2. Keeping a Conversation Going
   3. Active Listening
   4. Positive Feedback
   5. Safe Disclosure
   6. Presenting Yourself
   7. Avoiding Controversy
   8. Key Points
9. Assertive Roles at Work
   1. The Assertive Appraiser
   2. The Assertive Boss
   3. The Assertive Chairperson
   4. The Assertive Communicator
   5. The Assertive Customer-Carer
   6. The Assertive Recruiter
   7. The Assertive Team Leader
   8. The Assertive Negotiator
   9. The Assertive Employee
   10. Key Points
10. Assertiveness Training
    1. Watch Your Self-Talk
    2. Use the ABC Technique
    3. Set a New Trigger
    4. Anchors
    5. Musts into Preferences
    6. Hold On Tightly...
    7. Work on Your Self-Esteem
    8. Practise Affirmations
    9. Practise Visualisations
    10. Get a Role Model
    11. Scripting
    12. Key Points
11. Web Resources on Assertiveness